Christmas is a funny time of year for a Test cricketer.
If you’re not in the middle of a series, you are watching what you eat and drink for fear of getting out of shape. If you are in the middle of a series, you’re probably preparing for a Boxing Day Test, a staple of the calendar.
The manic nature of the schedule means the months blend into one.
I spent pretty much eight years in this cycle between March 2010 and November 2017. You lose track of days of the week, months of the year and seasons in general because you are constantly chasing the sun.
In those eight years I spent three Christmases away from home and the other years arriving back into the country in the days preceding Christmas Day.
When all your friends are tucking into turkey in the British winter, you find yourself in the sunshine, assessing the hotel buffet and casting half an eye on the opposition.
It is a weird juxtaposition between wanting to eat everything in sight and ending up in a stupor in front of a fire, and making sure you’re both physically and mentally ready to play a Test the next day.
Basically, it doesn’t feel like Christmas. It is the day before a Test.
I’ve had mixed experiences of touring over Christmas. The lowest was after practice in Australia on Christmas Day 2010.
All pre-match prep was done and everyone was excited about the Boxing Day Test at the Melbourne Cricket Ground the following day.
Training is in the morning so you can enjoy the afternoon and there are always Santa hats knocking around to be worn instead of a training cap.
I knew I was slightly vulnerable to being left out. We’d lost the third Test heavily in Perth and the series was level at 1-1. When a batting unit gets rolled for a few low scores, it is a bowler that usually makes way.
I hadn’t bowled well in Perth, but retained hope the management would stick with me for Boxing Day. It would have been a dream come true.
After practice, I saw captain Andrew Strauss walking towards me with a serious face on. He said: “Can I have a word with you in the bathroom?”
I knew the writing was on the wall. This isn’t an unusual occurrence when being dropped. A captain will want to deliver the news in a quiet place, away from the team to have a degree of compassion and, just in case a player wants to kick off, to mitigate the impact of anyone else hearing it.
The tears were barely out of my eyes before Strauss was off to deliver the good news to Tim Bresnan, who replaced me (excellently, I might add).
I hid in a cubicle and made sure the tears had subsided before going to face my team-mates. They could all still see how red my eyes were. Merry Christmas.
What made it even worse was that my partner at the time, mum and sister had flown all the way to Melbourne to watch me play a Boxing Day Test. I felt like a huge letdown and that I had wasted their time. Despite going on three Ashes tours, I never played a Boxing Day Test. A career low point.
Part of the Christmas routine was going to the lunch England had arranged at a hotel. I had to look as though I was enjoying watching Father Christmas giving gifts to the children of some of the players and the wife of one of the staff slurping back oysters. I hate the sound of people eating.
All I wanted was to be alone in my room, beating myself up for not being good enough to hold down a place in the team. It was one of two times my mum and sister travelled abroad to watch me play for England. Both times I didn’t make the XI.